on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
