OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
