I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
