the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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