I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
