you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
