She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
