Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
