I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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