We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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