Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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