i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
