there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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