You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Randomize
