suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
