i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
