I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
