i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
