Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
