We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
