Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
