So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
where does the pee come out of this thing
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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