just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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