We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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