Please, let me fuck your mom
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
