Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
