I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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