if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
