i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
