I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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