i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My bed smells like the plague
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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