There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
