Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
