She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
