I'm sorry my penis didn't work
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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