He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
