5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
