I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
