I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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