As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
