CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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