so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
