Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
