So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
