Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
