I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
it glows. i had to have it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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