how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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