that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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