i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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