We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
