she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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