Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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