I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
