My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
